So, I thougt about it and then I realized, for all the talking I do about faith-like stuff (and that it is sooo ensconced in my poetry...), I have never actually talked about my faith before. My "testimony" as it is called in Christian-ese.
Christian-ese: What is almost a seperate language spoken by many old or long-time Christians which often confuse non-Christians or just plain-old everyone. (Or nobody, depending on the company/word...)Mine is pretty much like most other people who grew up in a Christian home. Family who goes to church every sunday, family and friends of family who are involved in ministry, et al. A kind of ghetto some may say.
(
Ghetto: While the word has many different implications for different people, the word is generally used to describe a segregated place)Anyway, I became a Christian at the ripe-old age of four (...or mebbe it was five?) and that was it. In hindsight I realize that at that age I really didn't understand all that made up being a Christian. More than that, I also think that at the time my motivation for taking that step was more to please my parents than any real belief. In any case, my spiritual life remained more or less stagnent for a long time. Sure, I went to sunday school and all the mid-week classes and stuff, and I could talk the talk just as well as anyone else, but in my heart nothing really changed. I didn't get it, and I wouldn't get it until I hit the ground hard.
Ahh, yes. The Dark Ages (not the medieval ones, I just like the play on words). The dark years of my life. The years where I learned to wear masks and hats. Following the usual path for someone like me, I pretty much crashed and burned coming into adolesence. Grade six to grade eight, I was one messed up kid. But as bad as it was, it wasn't as bad as it could have been and it was definetly a place for God to start working in my life. In hindsight, it really is only by His grace that I am who and where I am today. If I had tried to do things on my own, who knows where I woud be? It is not as if I just decided that God suddenly wasn't there, just that I really didn't want to do things His way at the time.
So He decided to give me a smack upside the head. I don't know when it happened, but I just know that somehow I was turned in my path and started heading the other way, towards God. I was still pretty weak, but God knew how to help me get back to health. Somehow I managed to get on staff at Hope Valley, and God used that tremendously. He gave me a great trainer and great senior staff to work with. He also gave me most of the people I count as my best friends, people who are just so amazing. I'm not going to embarass anyone with names, but y'all know who you are. Thanx.
It was at camp that God showed me so much of where I was going wrong. During one of the devos., the guy who was speaking said something to the effect of "Sometimes people who were 'saved' at a really young age really aren't. They may not really understand what it is all about, what the cross is all about, and so are missing what being a Christian is all about." While I'm not sure I agree with all of that, it had a huge impact on how I thought and where I was. At that point I think something that was missing finally clicked. I don't know if that means that at that point I was actually saved or whatever, but I do know that at that point I really started to
get it.
So where does that leave me now? At this blog, or at least the idea behind it. Philippians 3:14, from which comes the name of this blog etc, says, "I press onward towards to goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus" (NIV). I'm pressing forward, never being satisfied with where I am, and taking you along for the ride.
Michael
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Brother in Arms
Proverbs.17.17
